Alive or Dead

alive but dead
no heart nor soul
theres just an...
emptiness that co habitants my body

&when i open my eyes;
to view this "proclaimed"- beautiful world
all i see is red
red because beyond this emptiness
all i feel is anger and hatred
for everyone who-walks this"proclaimed" beautiful world

i just want to make them feel the pain
i feel
the pain that
just won't go away

but see i didnt always feel like this
i was that innocent but not so innocent girl
the one who loved being with family during the week-
but couldnt stray away from the liqour bottles on the week-ends
and i had friends and
then i met you
--you broke me down and
-took control of my mind body and soul
and soon i couldnt stand to be away from you-you were
my addiction and

and then everything came crashing down
cus the last thing i remember is you&your
friends taking what little innocence i had left in me
-i lay helplessly watching you insert here&him insert there
while the others just laugh as i wince in pain

&now as i lay on the bathroom floor.i wonder what
i could have done differently but the pain is overwhelming
&i cant think straight
so i cut;cut-releasing myself of all the pain
& i'm i'm happy

the happiest i've been in a while...
then i suddenly get distracted;glancing at all my veins
i see the blood seaping out
&iv'e realized what i've done...

so i lay back,closing my eyes
waiting for gods angels to take me
cus me being dead is the only way ill truly be happy
...so now im...
dead but alive